Dear Compassionate Friends:

Do you agree with the old saying "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"

If you are early in your grief journey you might have different feelings about this than another who is further along in their grief and healing. You might be in so much incredible pain right now you might think it would be far less painful to not have loved someone so much, only to lose them to death.

My husband said once after our son Aaron was born that he never really understood what it was to love someone until we had our son. I understood what he was saying, because the love you feel for your spouse or partner is completely different than the love you feel for your child. I don't think anyone is quite prepared for that depth and power of love, and it makes no difference whether your child is born of your body or born of your heart through adoption or foster care.

So we come back to the question—if we had known ahead of time that we would lose our child, would we still have made the choice to become parents? I cannot imagine never experiencing that gift of joy, and I think that our choices to love and dream for the future are what make us human, fragile and vulnerable though we are.

Our ability to love and care for each other also makes us able to survive these incredible periods of grief, suffering and loss.

This month we celebrate the gift of love. I so miss the crooked, misspelled valentines my children brought home so proudly when they were little, and the lovely bouquets of dandelions my boys would bring me. Sometimes it seems Valentine's Day will never be as special as it was.

I hope you are able to take comfort from the gift of love you shared with your child and that the pain of your loss softens with time. Love does not die with death, but lives on forever. Death may have taken your child, but your love for each other will never die.

I wish you comfort and healing, and that you are always able to remember the love.

In friendship,