Dear Compassionate Friends:

"The only constant is change." Perhaps this new year has you thinking only of another year without your precious child and wondering how you will survive another year without him. Grieving parents have such difficulty looking to the future because we are literally stuck in the past with the memories of our child. We cannot make future memories with that child, and we don't understand how the world continues to go on because our world is "stuck."

Life does go on, however, without our child. We learn to live with a huge hole in our hearts and as time goes on we ache a little less. We may continue to have occasional bad days, but the grief gets a little softer and the ache hurts less.

If you have other children you need to continue to live in the present and in the future for them. Do you allow yourself to let go, even for just a little while, of the guilt and grief? Sometimes you need to "stuff" the hurt to be there for the rest of your family. You may have some milestones in this new year you need to be "in the present" for: a wedding for another child, a milestone anniversary for your parents, a new boss, or perhaps a new baby or grandchild. Looking forward to these new adventures does not diminish your love for the child gone on before you; if anything it adds to the joy and appreciation for the changes because you know you will not get to experience those milestones with your child now living in Heaven. We hold even tighter to those remaining memories we have of our child. If you can include those loving memories in the celebration it makes the occasion even more joyous. If you are celebrating an important anniversary, for example, perhaps you can include pictures or sweet memories in a slide show. Other family members love and miss your child too, and I'm sure would appreciate celebrating his life as part of the occasion as well.

Give yourself permission to have a good day. Give yourself permission to feel joy and look forward to the future. Give yourself permission to heal.

In friendship,